Charly's Blessing

Josh and Ellen Haws, our third family

Sunday was Charly's baby blessing, and my first day back at church after a six week sabbatical.  I tell you what, it's a good thing that church is at 1pm, because it took me all morning to get me and 3 kids ready! (Ryan leaves for meetings by about 10am, so he's no help!)
I won't give details of Charly's blessing here, but I will say that it was a beautiful blessing and I am grateful for a wonderful husband who gave the blessing.

The Haynes Family

The Johnson Family

Charly's One Month

This post is a few days late- but everything seems to be that way right now! I can't believe it's been a month since Charly was born, but it gives me hope that we already have one month under our belt. Ryan and I have done a lot of talking to figure out what we can do to make life more manageable, and he has so graciously volunteered to help out with feeding at night.  He will take Friday and Saturday night, so I can at least rest up on the weekends. I have decided to let go of breastfeeding and am "weaning" myself right now. Hopefully more sleep will ease some of the anxiety and I can go back to feeling "normal". 

Here's Charly at one month

This is Kate's one month- I think Charly looks
almost exactly like Kate

Here's Clark at one month- doesn't even look like him!

Treading Water

My life the last few weeks has felt a bit like treading water with a 10 pound brick - at first it doesn't seem so bad, but as time goes by you get more and more tired and feel like you are drowning instead of treading water. There have been many moments over the last few weeks where I feel like I am on that delicate line between treading water and drowning. If it wasn't for my wonderful husband and good friends and family, I couldn't make it.
I'm going to take this post to vent about all the things I feel like I'm barely 'treading water' with, so feel free to skip to the end to see some updated pictures.
I didn't think that adding one more child to life would be that difficult, but it has totally turned my world upside down. For those of you who know me, you know that I like to live in a box. Everything has it's place and is organized and every day has routine. Of course with a new baby, there can be no box and no routine, and that has left me feeling insecure. There is no comfort zone. Although I love my little Charly, she has become more and more difficult as time goes by. She has become colicky, and when she is not eating, she wants to be held all the time. If I try to put her in the bouncy chair or swing, it's about 60 seconds before she starts screaming bloody murder. As soon as I pick her up- she's fine. She does take naps, but usually one is while I carry her in a baby bjorn backpack, one is in the car while we run errands and the other is on my bed. While she sleeps just fine at night in her crib, she doesn't like it so much during the day. So while most of my daytime hours are devoted to her- not much else gets done. My house is picked up, but not clean. ( Although Ryan spent all day Saturday cleaning the kitchen floors, the table and chairs and deep cleaning our bathroom. Thanks honey.) I know you are thinking- you just had a baby, who cares if you're house is dirty. But in reality it would drive you nuts too if your kitchen counter never got wiped down, there was toothpaste on the floor in the kids bathroom and your piles of mail, bills and laundry just kept getting bigger and bigger.
I think what is really hard for me, is with the first kid, it's totally normal for you to be a hermit for at least 6 weeks, never shower or do your hair and not run any errands. That's how it was with Kate and Clark. I lived in a cave for at least 3 months. I didn't even leave the house with them until they were 4 months old. The only time I ran errands was when some one came to my house to give me a break. This time around I got 2 weeks to be a hermit- that's it. Now I have to get back to all my regular duties, plus take care of a baby and all that without sleeping more than 2 consecutive hours at night. Plus I have 2 other kids who are starved for attention and act out in every way possible just to get some recognition. They totally have cabin fever, so thanks to Nana, Grandma and Bethany Minor for taking my kids for a few hours to get them out of the house.
Another issue is breast feeding. I was doing really well the first 2 weeks and then Charly was wanting to eat every 2 hours. Eating for an hour and sleeping for an hour all night long just does not work for me. I am a 8-9 hour sleeper and it's killing me to get about 5 1/2. So when she did that, and I only got 4 hours of sleep- something had to change. I started pumping to see how much milk i was making- to see how much she was really getting, and came to find out that I was totally inconsistent in my milk supply. So no wonder she was eating all the time. Once I started pumping, it was much easier to feed her with a bottle and much quicker too. So I thought I'd feed her with a bottle at night, because she would fall asleep on the boob, not get a full feeding and want to eat all night long, then I would nurse her during the day. Well that lasted about 2 days. She didn't want me anymore! After about 20 minutes, I'd switch sides and she would freak out. The milk would be spilling out into her mouth and she's scream. As soon as I put a bottle in her mouth- she was fine. UGH. So now I am just pumping and supplementing with formula ( because I'm still not making enough). So I want to just quit the breastmilk all together. I do not want to be tied to the pump like I was with Kate and Clark. However, now I have guilt associated with not pumping. One is the money issue- it's just one more thing we have to buy and two, I know that breastmilk is better for babies and I want to give the best to my baby.
All of these little issues just pile up to one big heap of anxiety. For those of you who know me, I have struggled with anxiety and depression in my life, but have learned to control it because I know what my triggers are. Well can you guess what my triggers are? Lack of sleep and lack of exercise which lead to bad body image. So since I cannot exercise and I'm not getting any sleep, the fact that I still have to wear pregnancy clothes creates lots of anxiety. And guess what I do when I'm anxious? I eat.  That does nothing to help my situation, in fact it just makes it worse! So instead of loosing those last 10 lbs, I'm just adding more to it. I know it will eventually work itself out. In a few weeks I'll be able to exercise again, Charly will hopefully sleep more at night and I'll eventually be able to fit in my clothes again. Too bad I can't just be a hermit until that time!
So there you have it. If you actually took the time to read that whole thing- wow. You are a better person than I am. And for those who didn't- here's some updated pictures as promised.

For the first 2 weeks we slept Charly in our room in the pack n'play.  We keep it cold in our room, so we had to bundle her all up like this.

Daddy's little girl

Bath time!

It's kinda hard to see, but she fell asleep with the pacifier and then spit it out. It flipped around and she is holding on to it with her hand

She is already a thumb sucker!

This was today- all dressed up to go to WalMart.

Happy Birthday Charly!

Thursday morning started really early for Ryan and I. Kate and Clark spent the night at my mom's house Wednesday night, so that we could get to the hospital by 5:30am. That may seem a bit early for a scheduled C-section, but there are advantages to showing up at the hospital when there is no one else in triage and they already know you are coming. We spent about 2 hours getting ready for surgery.  They monitored the baby, put in my IV, and basically made me sign my life away. 

One last shot of my belly before the baby came out

Here we are waiting in the triage room

After 9 months of waiting, Charlotte Jane Johnson was born at 7:47am, February 24th. 

The surgery went really well, and I didn't even throw up this time! Ryan was brave enough to watch, and said it wasn't as "gooey" as he thought. It was a good thing that we did a C- section because they had a heck of a time getting her out. She was breech, but not a normal breech. Her butt came out first, then Dr Beck had to grab her hips and pull her butt out enough to pull out her legs one at a time, then wiggle out the rest of her body. Thank goodness for modern medicine and good doctors. I cannot imagine having to have a baby like that vaginally. 

I don't remember "feeling" as much with Kate and Clark as I did this time. I don't know if they used a different drug in the spinal. but i felt alot more of the tugging and pushing that I did last time. All in all it went really well and I was in the recovery room about 25 minutes after she was born. 

This is the first time I got to see Charly. I was still on the operating table. It was a really neat experience for me. Both Ryan and I had tears in our eyes the first time we heard her cry. 

This is in the recovery room when they were cleaning her all up.

Kate and Clark came to visit us Friday. I was on drugs and out of it most of Thursday, so we decided it was better that the kids come Friday. They were so good in the hospital, you could tell Ryan had lectured them the whole car ride there! They sat reverently, whispered and were very gentle with Charly. It was really cute to see their reaction to her and how excited they were to have a baby sister.
In the same breath, it was an eye opener to me too. For almost 2 days it had just been Ryan, Charly and I, and all of my energy was focused on the baby. When Kate and Clark came to the hospital I had the "duh" moment where I realized I have 2 other kids and they needed as much love and attention as Charly. Not to say they minded that I was at the hospital, they got to spend the night at Nana's house for 3 nights, go to the zoo, eat out lunch with Daddy and play at Uncle Andy and Auntie Lisa's house. They did not miss me at all! In fact, when we pulled in the the garage yesterday Clark said, "Why are we going home? Aren't we going to someone's house?"

Here's Clark and Kate holding hands with Charly. They absolutely loved this.

 That just about sums up the last few days. I'm so glad that she made it here safe and sound and that we are all home together now. More pictures to come!

Charlie, Charlee or Charley?

I can not decide how to spell Charlotte's name. I've been spelling it "Charlie" but I kinda want to do something a little different. If I spell it differently is that too weird? Will people think it's pronounced differently? What's your vote?


Here's some pictures of her room. It's nothing spectacular, but it's a start. I do have pink curtains for the windows, so that helps balance out the brown.

I got the "C" from Hobby Lobby and that is a cork board on the other wall,
it's pink with white polka dots.

Here's a closer look at the bumper pads.  I'm really happy with the way they turned out.

Here's the quilt. It took forever, but I love it now that it's done.  Yes,
I made each of the squares individually and put them together.

Just a few more days and she will be here!

Baby Update

Yesterday at my Dr. appointment we did an ultra sound and confirmed that Charlie is still breech. She was like that a few weeks ago at my last appt, but we were hoping she'd turn.  Because I am measuring bigger than my 'planned' due date, we scheduled a C- section for next Thursday, February 24th. I am some what relieved, just because of the risks involved with doing a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarian). I really wanted to try to do a VBAC, but the closer it got, the more I realized that more than anything I wanted Dr. Beck to be there and have a complication free delivery. I was just so scared and worried that I would go into labor when Dr. Beck wasn't on call, or not available and another Dr would end up giving me a C section. Since most Dr's don't like doing VBAC 's ( because they are risky and the Dr has to be there the whole time you are in labor) I was afraid that another Dr wouldn't even let me try. So I"m kinda glad that Charlie has made the decision easy, and another C-section it is. Now at least I know when this baby is going to be here and that Dr. Beck will be the one performing the surgery. 
I have been working hard to get her room and everything ready, and I'll put pics up as soon as it is all done.  I finished making her bumper pads and quilt, Ryan painted her room, I got a few things to decorate and now we are just waiting for some crib parts to come in the mail so I can put it all together. 
So this week I am trying to get everyone in for haircuts and then next week I'll be trying to get my house clean and ready for this baby!

Science Center

Last Tuesday I took Kate and Clark to the Science Center in downtown Phoenix. My sister Nancy and son Jack, and my Mom and Dad went too. Although it was very interesting, I would not say it was the most 'kid friendly' place to go. There were a  few interactive things, but most of it just went over their heads. So, good experience for the kids, but not worth the money at this age. I think the best thing was the planetarium. Basically it was a theater  and the ceiling was a screen with all the stars.  They also got to watch a cow eye get dissected, and even got to hold it! 

Kate holding the cow eye

Watching the dissection

Clark holding the cow eye